Resolving marital disputes .. How do you deal with them intelligently?
Avoiding disagreements in marriage is an elusive goal. The belief that happy marriages are based on trouble-free lives is a laughable proposition. Marriage is not a union in which one of the partners reproduces the set of traits that the other possesses. Common disputes appear in marriage because it brings together partners of different natures, values, habits, backgrounds, etc. Hence the need to develop ways to resolve marital disputes.
Common causes of marital disputes:
Before delving into ways to resolve marital disputes, it is important to shed light on the reasons that lead to conflict between spouses:
1- High expectations:
One partner assumes the other is a mind reader and shares the same expectations. Frustration creeps in unobtrusively when things and events don't go the way we expected.
Partners criticize their spouse for disagreement about lifestyle choices, accommodations, or budget, or one partner complains about not appreciating the other, family expectations, sharing household chores, or even about not supporting their career choices in ways the angry spouse imagines.
2- Conflicting opinions about children:
Although children are undoubtedly a wonderful addition to the family, they are the fruit of marriage between a man and a woman. But those children who are already an extension of you in life, may be the fuse of conflicts between husband and wife.
3. Inability to manage marriage money:
Marital disputes often center around financial issues, and these disagreements may escalate and get out of control unless they are fundamentally resolved at first.
4- Not spending enough time:
After marriage, you cannot devote all the time to yourself, without considering the other person. Not only should your time be entirely for your job, your personal hobby, and hanging out with your friends or family, but your wife should also be included in a large part of your interests and priorities. Because failure to do so may undermine the marital relationship from its foundation.
Lack of understanding between spouses expressive of resolving marital disputes
5- Sexual incompatibility:
Deviant sexual urges, where you feel a stronger desire to have sex more frequently, unlike your partner who is less inclined to this desire, can disrupt the life between you and your partner.
Work stress and domestic responsibilities, poor body confidence, barriers to intimacy, and a lack of honest sexual communication are some of the serious and pressing issues that lead to conflict in marriage. When it surfaces, building emotional intimacy with your spouse and engaging in other forms of intimacy is critical to enjoying sexual closeness and bonding with your partner.
How to resolve marital disputes:
1. Have an open mind: Get rid of any preconceived notions that you have that prevent you from talking, discussing, and resolving differences between spouses.
2. Commit to resolving the dispute or the problem that you have: This commitment alone indicates your keenness to resolve intractable marital disputes with your partner.
3. Pay attention and listen.
4. Determine the root cause of the conflict:
Without knowing the cause of your conflicts, it will be very difficult to resolve them no matter what steps or plan you take.
5. Take responsibility for your actions and emotions:
Don't be defensive towards your wife, be responsible.
6. Be willing to forgive your spouse.
7. Finding solutions and settlements (common ground) and implementing the solutions that you both agreed upon.
8. Think of it as the win for both of you, and none at the expense of the other:
in marriage, one spouse does not win while the other loses, but they win together or lose together.
Practical methods for resolving marital disputes:
There are a number of practical methods for resolving marital disputes, including:
1- Understand things:
There is no doubt that the misunderstanding in some issues between the spouses leads to both of them falling into bigger problems that may end in separation in many cases. Hence, each party must indicate the reality of what he intended for the other party, without causing him harassment or underestimating him.
2- Self-review:
Sometimes the cause of the marital dispute is a mistake committed by one of the parties, and it is not shameful for a person to hold himself accountable after referring to oneself and knowing its shortcomings, and this does not affect the dignity of one of the partners.
3- Admitting a mistake:
Admitting a mistake is the art of resolving marital disputes, and it has the effect of magic in quenching the fire of disputes between spouses. Therefore, there is nothing wrong with you reconsidering your positions towards the other party, and even apologizing to you if you discover that you were wrong about him, so that the concepts of tolerance and forgiveness will be firmly established between you.
4- Be sure to put out the fires of disagreements from the beginning:
It is very important to have the culture of putting out the fires of conflict in marital life, before it ignites and destroys your family life. You must also maintain the privacy of your married life, and do not reveal your secrets to those around you.
5- Don't get into old disagreements:
One of the most important ways to resolve marital disputes is also not to open old contentious files with your wife, and not to have a vengeful spirit from the other party, as this fuels the dispute between you, and makes your life always tense. There is a disagreement between a Na'berian couple about the problem of marital disputes
6- Do not close the dialogue door:
It is very important to keep the door of dialogue open between the two partners, as this dialogue always ends with a compromise that satisfies both parties, and eliminates any causes of disagreement between the spouses.
7- Patience over nature:
Among the arts of resolving marital disputes is also to be patient with the other partner, and not to treat him in a way that provokes his anger, or ways that provoke his feelings, so that life continues between you two.
8- Satisfaction and contentment:
Finally, in order for marital life to be straightened between a man and a woman, the two parties must have conviction and satisfaction between them with all the details of their lives, and even with the personality of each of them, so that they accept each other and life continues.